What about this fight.

6 July 2013, Saturday 

You see, it was never about meeting the ex. The intention was never beause i missed him but how us might just not be right together. I guess you are right. Your time is better spent with your son and why did I wait so long for this revelation. Although it hurts but I know it true, he is always your primary concern and on the top of the list. I am not vying nor am I capable of it. This is no competition. What I need in a relationship it's not something within our control. I needed to be a first, I can't be selfless hard as I try.

I am wasting your time, a person easily replaced but taking up so much of what could have been made to better use. Being a parent to Jayden. Taking him out for dinner. Playing and lazing. So much so all these things contribute to happiness, rather than me just making you happy. I wish you wouldn't settle for less. I won't let go if I knew I was the only one, I am not.

 The happier I am with you the more sad thoughts I would have later. I had a good time last night and when it about came to an end I told myself, just the two of us but silence was ok, laughters were ringing, embarassed but we were unabash. I marked this night on my mind wondering how what happened was even possible then I remembered this will not make any of yours. 

If being with me makes one of  the best things that happen to you. Perhaps in time, we could celebrate firsts, built happiest moments, bring you euphoria noone can. All these and more I know I can't do for you and I believe you know it too. What you and your ex wife have been through, far and wide, i cannot hold a candle against.  What you had was meant to be but taken away too soon. Anything else is not complete but making do. Even if I had not replied you that one fine day there was nothing I could do to change events that happened before you knew me. Every time Jayden misses his mom, he was upset just as I was the fact that I am in your arms where she used to be. She made a choice to leave you, you had no choice after her to know me. Maybe what I could do is not take away even a little more of what he could have and I am happy that everything is how it should be now.

Genesis 2:22- Eve was made of a rib of the side of Adam. Not from his head to rule over him; not from his foot to be trodden by him; but from his rib to be protected by his arm, to be close to his heart, and to be part of his very breathing. 

I cannot complete you baby.

and I see now that you are happy.

This is how it should rightfully be.

Thank you for the time this past 5 months, its good to know that I at least made you happy.

I don't know if this is the right way, but I don't know any other way. I'm sure you agree with me.

I love you Alastair.

 7 July 2013, Sunday

I tell myself this is a decision I have to sit through alone. Why spoil and
try to get more attention to all this, every time I think of you I smile a weak smile to
myself and tell myself you are probably searching for someone else to replace me,and
 I wouldn't have to wait long. This premature end to things benefits us both.

I read this constantly to remind myself.